Sucking out the Poison

Hey, everyone. It’s been a while.

Not that I’ve intentionally left you all alone, but I have the mundane excuse of having a computer fail on me and thus having no access to my blog. What have I been doing in the meantime? Not much. Just an occasional spell, building my altar and shrines, etc. Pretty boring stuff.

Last night, however, was different. 

As some of you may have known, I was subject to some pretty hard emotional and physical abuse as a kid, courtesy of my parents. I was indirectly made to feel as if I was worthless, lazy, and ugly, and that I would never succeed in life. My social skills and mental health are still effected today and, although as we speak I am packing up for college and will be gone for several blessed months, it still makes me feel as if I’m falling apart.

Yesterday, after a fight with my mother and step-father, I was extremely upset, and couldn’t get to sleep. After some rocking and crying, I basically laid there, staring vacantly out my window, praying for sleep to come.

That was when I felt my hand being grasped gently, a spirit version of myself being gently led along. At first, I was so listless, I let Him drag me, not registering that I was moving at all. But after a while I began walking with Him. It was a God that shall remain unnamed due to His asking.

We arrived at our destination, I slightly confused. I asked, “What did you bring me here for?”

He grasped my hand once more, firmly, and looked me in the eye.

“Child, you have a loving heart. There are forces at work who will try to corrupt that, but you must fight them. It is only then you will find your happiness.”

He reached into my chest and drew out my heart. It was damaged. There were dark spots, spots where the tissue had hardened into stone. He handed it to me, and told me that I needed to heal it; He sat down, a few feet away, and watched.

At first, I didn’t know what to do. I scratched at the stone bits of my heart to no avail, trying to find some hidden softness underneath. I tried breaking off the stone, an action just as useless as the last. Finally, I leaned over it, and began to cry with all my heart and sadness. The tissue turned from stone to muscle once more.

Next were the bloated, purple parts of the heart. I saw it and I knew what it was immediately: poison. And what do you do when you’ve been poisoned?

You suck it out.

I placed my teeth along the bottom, where most of it had settled, and began to suck. The most vile liquid I had ever tasted assaulted my mouth, and I retched onto the ground beside me, feeling my physical body nearly do the same. I did it again, and again, retching and vomiting and seeing the terrible purple liquid sink into the ground until I could no longer. 

It no longer had any visible dark spots, but I knew not all the poison was gone. He came up to me, and cupped my heart in His hands.

“There is one thing you are missing,” He told me, opening up my heart. “It is love.”

From the heart rose red liquid that looked like blood. It was filled halfway, and then closed.

“This is not the end of what you must do,” He said to me.

I understood, and opened my eyes, and I felt a little bit better even as the taste of poison lingered in my mouth.


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